Monday, June 11, 2007


One of the perks missing from a free blogger account is an audience, one of perks always available however, is a forum to vent righteous indignation. The two are probably in an inverse relationship, but what the hell:

Walk into any Coffee Bean and order a regular coffee. The clerk will ask three questions:
  1. Would you like room? (for cream)
  2. What's your name?
  3. Is that for here or to go?
This last question is utterly ridiculous - for what's the difference between sipping coffee in the establishment or taking one step outside? It gets more absurd when one is ordering multiple drinks for co-workers back at the office. "For here please, I plan to drink a mild drip, an iced soy latte, a Japanese-cherry iced tea, and a hot chocolate right here, right now, then piss all over myself."

One time, a cashier conceded, "We have to ask that" she said. "Um, why?" "Because... if a mystery customer comes in and we don't ask that they fine us." Mystery customers, or auditors, are hired by corporate to make sure clerks and managers are following corporate code.

So here's my rant to The Coffee Bean V.P. of Customer Relations. Or since this is Corporate America, more likely the Senior V.P. of the Organic Experience and People-Centered Relations, or some other bullsh*t. Stop this nonsense. You're making your employees look like idiots by forcing them to ask a stupid question because your red-tape quality-control managers make an extra buck every time they write somebody up. The auditors have to work on commission, right? It's the only way this non-sense makes sense.

Let me put it this way, if the only reason your employees do something is because they have to, it's a waste of time. Your people should explain your practices clearly. They should, in essence, possess the ability to sell your company. And you should give them the ideas to do it. After all, they are face of your company. They are ones taking the cash.

I know this seems like I'm making a big thing out of nothing, but this is my rant god dammit! And what good is a rant if I don't take cheap shots at the establishment? I mean, what auditor hears this asinine question and thinks, "Good job there young lady, you're well-trained."

The only possible explanation regards the few who order pastries. "For here" would then require a plate. OK, fine if you order a pastry it would be nice if you were given a plate. But this shouldn't be a law requiring stiff enforcement. And further, people who go to coffee shops to eat baked goods should not define the rules for those who go to coffee shops to get coffee!*

*(These are most likely the same folk who like mayo.)


Jeff said...

Maybe they have the employees ask so they can define the type of order it is. Then, when they go back and look at the database (I assume they put all the orders in a database), they can see how many people are staying or leaving. It might help decide how many chairs, tables, wifi, etc.. they need. Or, if they should build larger stores around that area. Just a thought...

Also, mayo better damn well be on my sandwich!

christina from work =) said...

i was told by my CB that there was a Dine-In tax... so that why they ask.. they want your dough..

you say for here... extra 4 cents or some bullshit

Jeff said...

That sounds about right.