Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Beware: The Junk Drawer

This weekend I arrived at a stunning realization. As with most moments when the world begins to make sense, I concurrently realized the realization was painfully obvious. So much so that the handful of smart readers of this blog may sigh in disbelief at their loyal blogger's naivete.

But here goes. I was cleaning out the junk drawer - much can be written about the junk drawer, we all have one or more, storing relics and receipts of concerts, napkins, business cards, and 9 volt batteries and such. Wherein I came across a book, "Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen" by the humble Mr. Doc Love, the self-proclaimed "first man in 6000 years to understand women."

(Disclaimer: Go ahead and snicker, but I did not buy this book. Unfortunately I'm forbidden to tell the story of how it arrived in my junk drawer, which only serves to further your suspicions of guilt, but...) Let's get to it.

Men will only go out when they are interested, women will go out just to go out.

On Monday morning someone asks a guy, "What did you do this weekend?" He can say, "went out, got hammered with friends," or "watched the playoffs and drank some beers." Surely not the most interesting of lives but acceptable nonetheless. If a girl walks into the same office and says, "I drank a bottle of Merlot and watched The Notebook," she's a loser in the world of women. I'm not saying it's fair, but it's that simple.

Therefore, a guy, with a seemingly endless list of things to do - not a productive list mind you - will only break from it and spend time & money with a girl he's interested in. Meanwhile, a girl, by the simple act of going out, can shun most social retributions - even if the date was a complete bomb (guys get blamed for lame dates).

Mass confusion arrives when the guy assumes a girl is interested because she's going out with him, and a girl assumes a guy is busy at work when he says he's busy at work.

According to the Doc, if a girl doesn't call back quickly she's not interested. If she calls back and goes out with you she's evaluating you, if she goes out about five times she's interested.

I'll add that if a guy doesn't call back he's not interested. If he does he's interested. If he goes out for five dates he may or may not be interested. For once a girl decides she's in - a rare event indeed, at this very moment of clarity for her the guy begins to evaluate.
This is where things get really tricky. So I'll leave it to the pros, like Doc Love, and to the nameless but not forgotten caveman who understood women 6000 years ago.

1 comment:

Jeff said...

Was that book lying next to this one ... Ha!